THE NAY-SAYERS – Part 1 – General Nay-Sayers

A nay-sayer is anyone in our lives who makes negative or hurtful comments to us. They can be coworkers, family members, or even strangers. The negative and hurtful comments can be made from an attack mode or they can be left-handed compliments.

“Di, you’re getting as big as a house!” is a comment made from the attack mode. Nay-sayers who are bullies use this tactic. It may be said ingenuously so that the speaker does not have to think of himself or herself as a bully, but it is an attack nonetheless.

“What a beautiful outfit, Di. I didn’t know that they had such pretty clothes at Lane Bryant,” is a left-handed compliment. A left-handed compliment like this leaves things unsaid but understood. “What a beautiful outfit, Di,” is said, and “It’s too bad about your fat body,” is left unsaid. Nay-sayers who are cowards use this tactic.

All of us have experienced nay-sayers in our lives. No matter what we do, they want to discuss a) why we’re wrong and they’re right (even when they are not right), b) why whatever we’re doing is wrong (even if it isn’t), or c) how to do it better (even if they don’t know how to do it better). They are a plague among us.

Family members are often the worst because they figure they can say anything to us. Well, they can say anything, but we don’t have to listen. And we don’t have to listen politely.

It is virtually impossible to change a nay-sayer’s mind. Don’t even try; it’s not worth the effort. Nay-sayers have a little black holes in their minds and hearts which suck up and destroy facts, compassion, and plain old common decency. They never let these things interfere with their opinion – or their inalienable right to express their opinion. Freedom of speech, however, does not extend to you in their minds.

Why do they do this? There’s any number of reasons. It may be a power trip. By cutting you down they remain in control. This only works if you let it. Do your own thing. Don’t play their game.

It could be jealousy. You’re doing something that they are unwilling or unable to do. They may even be jealous of something entirely unrelated and this is just their convoluted way of getting back at you. Examine their motives, and don’t ever believe it when they say, “I’m doing this for your own good.” They aren’t.

Rivalry plays a part sometimes, too. The mother, sister or sister-in-law who has always been “the thin, pretty one” may not want to give up her crown. Stay on track and knock that tiara off her little, pointy head.

Some people may be uncomfortable with the new you. People (not just family members!) have pigeonholed you and are comfortable with you right where you are. They don’t want you to change. Tough toenails. Change! They’ll get over it, and if they don’t it’s not your problem.

There’s a number of ways to handle this. Go over past situations and actually come up with responses before you have to see these jerks. Writing your responses down is good. It not only cements possible responses in your mind so that they’re there when you need them, but it’s cathartic.

Examples:

1) Decline to discuss the issue. Do not be tactful; be abrupt! They are counting on you to be nice. “Nice” has it’s place, but this isn’t it.

Mom: “Di, you’re getting as big as a house!”

Me: “Speaking of houses, Mom, did you know that the mortgage rates are down to 7.5%?” or “Speaking of houses, Mom, did you get the leak in the roof fixed?”

Mom: “What?!? I was talking about your weight!”

Me: “You were; I’m not. Let’s talk about something else.”

 

2) Confront the nay-sayer.

Mom: “Di, you’re getting as big as a house!”

Me: “Why would you say something so hurtful?”

Mom: “I’m only concerned about you, dear!”

Me: “Then find a better way to express it. Let’s talk about something else.”

 

3) Laugh at them.

Mom: “Di, you’re getting as big as a house!”

Me: “Oh, Mom, I can always count on you to be understanding and supportive!” (Laughing.) “You really are something else, you know? Let’s talk about something else before we get into a fight.”

If the nay-sayer is particularly blockheaded and doesn’t want to drop it, drop them.

Mom: “This is important, Di! I’m worried about you!

Me: “Excuse me, Mom, I’ve got to go check the baby’s diaper.”

Mom: “Baby? What baby? Chris is 15!”

Me: “Any baby. I’ll look around until I find one. Changing a diaper would be preferable to this conversation.”

 

AND WALK AWAY. You don’t have to take listen to kind of garbage. It is detrimental to your health and well being.

I would be very interested in hearing about your experiences with nay-sayers. How do you respond to them? What’s worked? What hasn’t? Send your comments to [email protected].

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I would enjoy receiving your own observations about your low carb journey. Please send your comments, personal tips and tricks, suggestions, and questions to [email protected].

 

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