Holidays & Seasons

What should I buy for [fill in the blank yourself] for Christmas? That's a phrase guaranteed to send fear and panic in all directions. But, as usual, I'm here, to the rescue.

Thank you very much for your thoughtful letter. After having checked my list (twice, even!), I see that you have been mostly good this year, despite that incident where you incited that riot. Since you felt that you where acting in everyone's best interests, I'm sure that we can let that one incident slide this year. Rest assured that I will be able to provide you with the majority of the items on your wish list, with the exception of this Winona Ryder person you wish for me to leave under your tree. We here at S. Clause Incorporated have strict rules against slavery of any kind, and feel that Ms. Ryder would not appreciate your request that she be wearing only two things: BUCK and NEKID. Need I remind you of the restraining order that Ms. Ryder requested last year for Christmas?

I'm told that in early December, Portuguese turkey farmers peddle their flocks on the streets of Lisbon. They do this for two reasons: because Lisbon is in Portugal, and is therefore a handy place to sell their turkeys, and because they don't have Thanksgiving in that country.

It's less than two weeks until Thanksgiving, and by now some of the more apprehensive low carbers among us and in full blown panic mode. "How will I make it through the holidays without cheating?" we wail. "How can I give up my mother's famous stuffing, or her pumpkin pie, or her mashed potatoes? She'll hate me! Oh, woe is me! I'm doomed!" And we pause to give ourselves time to gnash our teeth and rend our garments.

Denise explains how to stay on her Low-Carb lifestyle during Christmas and other holidays with this comprehensive guide. Ready for Low-Carb success?

CarbSmart Complete Low Carb Thanksgiving Dinner Recipes includes Zesty Roast Turkey, Molded Gazpacho Salad, Cranberry Treat, Company Cauliflower Casserole, Decadent Spinach Casserole, Holiday Spaghetti Squash Casserole, Di's Chocolate Mocha No-Bake Cheesecake.

Dealing with Halloween Candy as a Low Carber. These dime-store ghouls won't be exorcised with pork chops or strips of flank steak. They turn up their runny little noses at deviled eggs, glower at the thought of tasty hot dogs and broccoli, and gag at the thought of chicken breasts and spinach. THEY WANT CANDY!!! And there, is a nut shell - well, in a candy wrapper - is what scares ME at Halloween.

Some writers call this world's most decadent dish, but I don't think decadent even comes close. It smacks of eating little hummingbirds by the gross, like the Romans did. Voila: "Uncle Zack's Low Carb Modified Halloween Turducken."

Tonight's Low-Carb Lesson includes Fiesta Fish Fillets, Plain Ol' Broccoli Flowerets, and Simple Romaine Salad recipes from CarbSmart Low Carb Cooking 101.

If you come looking for me in September on the evening of the full moon, I'll be outside in the backyard. (No, I will not be out running with werewolves; that'll be next month, at Halloween.) Glorious Spouse and I will be in the yard, reclining side by side on our matching lounge chairs, gazing up at the moon. And, I'll be reciting some poetry, beginning with the one written by the old famous Chinese poet, Li Bai:

Some people can tell what time it is from looking at the sun. I have never been able to do that; the light is always too bright for me to see the numbers.