What is that they say in AA? Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic? An alcoholic who doesn't drink is a "dry" alcoholic, but an alcoholic nevertheless. Elizabeth Senzee discusses her carbohydrate cravings & struggles with weight loss & food addiction - specifically Carbohydrate Addiction.

In Episode 16, I said I had no timetables. This isn't entirely true, but my timetable is a loose one and adaptable to my lifestyle. For 3 1/2 years, my lifestyle was co-opted by my low carb way of eating, and I figured it was time to switch.

This episode begins a new track to my Luther Vandross'ish weight loss/gain/loss journey. While I find this difficult to write about, I believe it to be necessary for me and possibly helpful to you. And as long as I'm writing this column, I'm going to be honest with you.

Today, January 1, 2003, I don't know how much I weigh. I think it's somewhere in the 280s, but I haven't weighed. Part of me is afraid to, part of me wonders what good it would do since I can't do anything about it right now, and part of me is happy to be going back to familiar territory (although the path is unfamiliar).

I have traditionally not shirked at manual labor, nor have I ever thought to take a break while doing heavy work. It's not efficient to take a break, it messes with my rhythm, it drags out the work that much longer, I fear I may not go back and finish the job if I take a break, and I want to see the fruits of my labor NOW.

By August 18, 2001, weighing in at 255 pounds (down from 380), I was to meet The Captain for the first time, and I was a wreck. I was emotionally and physically exhausted. I knew I hadn't lost enough weight to make a good impression on him. And I was sick to my stomach because it wasn't enough. I knew in my heart that it would never be enough, and I would not acknowledge that fact.

Something you, Dear Reader, must understand about the articles you've read thus far is that they were written over a 2-and-a-half-year time frame. These are the stories and essays I've written along my journey. They are not what is happening to me right now, in real time. So in the interests of catching up, we pause now for another commercial break in the past to present fairly real-time experiences. The episodes you will read from now on will be in real time.

In February of 2002, I reached a milestone mini-goal: 232. However, it was hard-won (the hardest yet), and I bounced around for 3 months between very strict paleo/antiyeast and regular Atkins.

We go to southeast Kansas, where most of my people are buried and where I spent a good deal of my childhood. To me, southeast Kansas is about joy and freedom and fields of ripening wheat to the horizon. It's about standing in a nearly abandoned cemetery in the silence of miles and miles of green rolling hills, and listening to the sound of God's voice in the wind, and the touch of His hand as it blows through your hair. It's also about Chicken Mary's.

This weekend a fellow low carber has come to my town on a business trip, and I have enjoyed his company immensely. In a conversation in which he successfully attempted to recondition my thinking about the seminal event I've written about which I will call "The Fat 5-Year-Old," I blurted out, "But if I'm not fat, I wouldn't know who I am anymore. Who am I if I'm not fat?

It wasn't until I read The Diabetes Solution by Dr. Bernstein that I realized I had had hypoglycemia for years. Only my problem was I only got mean (and I mean a killing rage) when my blood sugar tanked. I never made the connection then, but I do now.

As a continuation of the Inner Slut conversation and my extant trouble with my Inner Slut, whom I have named Delilah, this is an update of my saga. Yesterday I had an odd thing happen. It was very not-out-of-the-ordinary for other women more in touch with their Inner Sluts, and probably would have been habit, but for me it was extraordinary and empowering and eye-opening.